I guess it's kind of funny to say this, but I found this article to be useful in clarifying my thinking on the matter. It's helping me recognize the value and dare I say usefulness of allowing one's self to feel useless.
In the past, my self-worth was very tied up in my usefulness. I would also bring too many dishes to a potluck, metaphorically and literally. I would over-give at birthdays, or over-plan celebrations. I wanted to make myself useful so people would keep me around.
It wasn't until I went to a lot of therapy and did a lot of spiritual healing that I realized my self-esteem couldn't be based in what I could do for other people, because if that is how I was valued, I would be tossed as soon as my usefulness ran out. Which is exactly what had happened to me, time and time again.
Now I try to limit my helpfulness to people who have shown themselves to be reciprocal friends over the past many years, people who I don't need to prove my value to.
I know there's a lot more to touch on in your essay, but that was what it made me think of.
The idea of being useful is something I really struggle with, so this post resonated deeply with me. The need to be useful keeps me from my writing. I don't feel useful when I write, so instead I fill my days with other responsibilities, crowding out time to write, rest, and BE. It is so deeply ingrained in our cultural messages (and therefore in me) that our worth is a result of what we do, not who we are. I think I will be fighting this battle within myself for the rest of my life. Thank you Kaitlin for being vulnerable in sharing your struggles with this idea of being useful. Your words provide encouragement for us to move towards days when our to do lists are shorter and we give ourselves more chances to just BE.
15 hrs ago·edited 15 hrs agoLiked by Kaitlin Curtice
"Autumn is the time when we begin to slow down in ways that we can, even as the world spins madly around us. Somehow, we trade usefulness for kinship and care in Autumn. We harvest it, hold on to it, cherish it."
"all days are sacred days"
Thank you for this thoughtful, on-the-mark essay and beautiful poem, Kaitlin. In between preparing for and attending meetings and webinars throughout today, during the past hour I freed myself from usefulness, efficiency, and productivity, and gratefully embraced slowness, sacredness, kinship and care by re-reading Summer's Magic and writing a short review. For a time I actually achieved a state of flow, which is so rare for me when I write.
Thank you for this liminal space of sacredness, calmness, beauty and wisdom.
It means so much that you wrote a review for the book. Your presence is such a gift, Elaine! Thank you for being here, and I'm so glad you're carving out space for quiet and care.
Summer's Magic is a such beautiful story, and it was a joy to re-read it on a day when I needed a gentle reminder about why I'm working on all these "useful" projects: to better care for Mother Earth. Thank you for being, Kaitlin.
You put words to how I feel when I have ‘free time’ and the battle with how to spend that time- on the list of shoulds or on the list of want tos. So glad you chose to nap. Thx for sharing your journey
This resonates so strongly with me, Kaitlin. I have struggled with this feeling for decades. I often turn to a conversation with my younger self, wondering how I got here, unable some days to enjoy the beauty of not having every moment filled. I keep trying to enjoy the sacred nature of found time; a cancelled meeting; last minute cancellation; even letting go into an illness when that comes. Thank you for sharing and for your insightful wisdom. I am glad you took a nap!
I guess it's kind of funny to say this, but I found this article to be useful in clarifying my thinking on the matter. It's helping me recognize the value and dare I say usefulness of allowing one's self to feel useless.
It was a little funny for me to even decide to publish this today, because when I did, I felt a little bit useful, even in my vulnerability. gah!
In the past, my self-worth was very tied up in my usefulness. I would also bring too many dishes to a potluck, metaphorically and literally. I would over-give at birthdays, or over-plan celebrations. I wanted to make myself useful so people would keep me around.
It wasn't until I went to a lot of therapy and did a lot of spiritual healing that I realized my self-esteem couldn't be based in what I could do for other people, because if that is how I was valued, I would be tossed as soon as my usefulness ran out. Which is exactly what had happened to me, time and time again.
Now I try to limit my helpfulness to people who have shown themselves to be reciprocal friends over the past many years, people who I don't need to prove my value to.
I know there's a lot more to touch on in your essay, but that was what it made me think of.
yes! lots of wisdom in this. thank you for sharing!
Yes! Beautifully written and a poignant reminder for this "achiever." Thanks for sharing this, Kaitlin.
The idea of being useful is something I really struggle with, so this post resonated deeply with me. The need to be useful keeps me from my writing. I don't feel useful when I write, so instead I fill my days with other responsibilities, crowding out time to write, rest, and BE. It is so deeply ingrained in our cultural messages (and therefore in me) that our worth is a result of what we do, not who we are. I think I will be fighting this battle within myself for the rest of my life. Thank you Kaitlin for being vulnerable in sharing your struggles with this idea of being useful. Your words provide encouragement for us to move towards days when our to do lists are shorter and we give ourselves more chances to just BE.
"Autumn is the time when we begin to slow down in ways that we can, even as the world spins madly around us. Somehow, we trade usefulness for kinship and care in Autumn. We harvest it, hold on to it, cherish it."
"all days are sacred days"
Thank you for this thoughtful, on-the-mark essay and beautiful poem, Kaitlin. In between preparing for and attending meetings and webinars throughout today, during the past hour I freed myself from usefulness, efficiency, and productivity, and gratefully embraced slowness, sacredness, kinship and care by re-reading Summer's Magic and writing a short review. For a time I actually achieved a state of flow, which is so rare for me when I write.
Thank you for this liminal space of sacredness, calmness, beauty and wisdom.
It means so much that you wrote a review for the book. Your presence is such a gift, Elaine! Thank you for being here, and I'm so glad you're carving out space for quiet and care.
Summer's Magic is a such beautiful story, and it was a joy to re-read it on a day when I needed a gentle reminder about why I'm working on all these "useful" projects: to better care for Mother Earth. Thank you for being, Kaitlin.
You put words to how I feel when I have ‘free time’ and the battle with how to spend that time- on the list of shoulds or on the list of want tos. So glad you chose to nap. Thx for sharing your journey
This resonates so strongly with me, Kaitlin. I have struggled with this feeling for decades. I often turn to a conversation with my younger self, wondering how I got here, unable some days to enjoy the beauty of not having every moment filled. I keep trying to enjoy the sacred nature of found time; a cancelled meeting; last minute cancellation; even letting go into an illness when that comes. Thank you for sharing and for your insightful wisdom. I am glad you took a nap!