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I said, "I can't do this"

But three months later

and the cottonwood leaves are barely yellow

and the geese are flying

and I did it.

It was summer then and it's summer now,

the air fetid with humidity—

but I hear autumn coming, and the leaves turning like magic

and the leaves turning like pages

and I feel like I can breathe again.

I made it.

It didn't feel like courage.

It felt like crying from my gut

and taking naps

and drinking Gatorade

and begging my veins to swell

so the nurse's needle could find it.

It didn't feel like the monster it was in my head.

It felt like a slow grind

like a gristmill

like teeth in the night

and suddenly, on the other end,

sunlight.

I did it.

It didn't feel like courage

but it was.

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Wow! I love how you used the season and nature to mark time and the reality of how it felt. I assume this is your journey? Thank you for sharing! You did it!

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Thank you! I try to get outside every day, and I find a lot of comfort in the changing of the seasons. Getting through a summer of intense medical procedures was so hard, but it almost feels like it took no time at all. Time is weird like that!

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Me too!

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