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Pascale Chancey's avatar

The first thing that came to mind

This morning when I woke up

Is how behind her sedated eyes

Might have been this fear—

Fear of losing control,

Fear of being left alone,

Fear of dying.

Yes, I project my own inner turmoil

Onto this furry creature that was my own.

And it’s because she was family

For four (five?) years

That I now wrestle with a gut-knotting fear—

Fear that I let her down,

Fear that I killed her.

And that even though I was there

Till the end

Whispering “you are loved,”

Whispering “you are safe,”

She nonetheless had to cross the veil

Fearing being abandoned.

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Lisa Strader's avatar

What shall I do with you?

Put you in a box where you don’t get any air?

Let you trample me like wildebeests?

Throw you again and again into the river?

Alchemize you into anger or a stomachache?

Or sit with you like a crying child and let you feel yourself fully

(which is what I fear most of all)?

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