In fall of 2021 my partner and I chose to leave. We both said we needed a break without a going back date on it. I needed that gentleness. Looking back, I knew I wouldn’t be going back.
My husband was a youth pastor at a kinda big church. I was thrust into the spot light in a lot of ways - and, newly married, newly moved to the area, I fe…
In fall of 2021 my partner and I chose to leave. We both said we needed a break without a going back date on it. I needed that gentleness. Looking back, I knew I wouldn’t be going back.
My husband was a youth pastor at a kinda big church. I was thrust into the spot light in a lot of ways - and, newly married, newly moved to the area, I feel so sad now for my younger self who was really doing all she could to survive.
Never felt like Sunday church was actual church. Love worship and a lot of sermons, but from a young age I knew that a space where connecting, vulnerable conversations were happening was real church. Why go on Sundays, then? That routine started to fade.
Then, a bunch of little moments became clear to us that not everyone was welcome, in spite of what they said. My husband reckoned with his Chinese identity that he really had to reject in these white spaces. Multiple moments where kind people that were queer were clearly not welcome or were shunned.
During his transition out of that role we stared attending another church in secret 😄. When they say that welcomed everyone, they meant it. It was encouraging to see a community that was not the toxic evangelicalism we had been in for so long. Being in that safe space is what gave me the safely I needed to finally leave. (It was actually on of the pastors of that church that told me about this series!)
A decision I never imagined I’d make. The months of grief that followed were the hardest for us.
And now I’ve felt the glimmers of Exploration. And I’m actually excited. I didn’t know if spinning my wheels would ever have an end. But I don’t think trusting myself is sinful anymore. There has been healing.
Thank you for sharing your stories. For making a space for us to share ours.
In fall of 2021 my partner and I chose to leave. We both said we needed a break without a going back date on it. I needed that gentleness. Looking back, I knew I wouldn’t be going back.
My husband was a youth pastor at a kinda big church. I was thrust into the spot light in a lot of ways - and, newly married, newly moved to the area, I feel so sad now for my younger self who was really doing all she could to survive.
Never felt like Sunday church was actual church. Love worship and a lot of sermons, but from a young age I knew that a space where connecting, vulnerable conversations were happening was real church. Why go on Sundays, then? That routine started to fade.
Then, a bunch of little moments became clear to us that not everyone was welcome, in spite of what they said. My husband reckoned with his Chinese identity that he really had to reject in these white spaces. Multiple moments where kind people that were queer were clearly not welcome or were shunned.
During his transition out of that role we stared attending another church in secret 😄. When they say that welcomed everyone, they meant it. It was encouraging to see a community that was not the toxic evangelicalism we had been in for so long. Being in that safe space is what gave me the safely I needed to finally leave. (It was actually on of the pastors of that church that told me about this series!)
A decision I never imagined I’d make. The months of grief that followed were the hardest for us.
And now I’ve felt the glimmers of Exploration. And I’m actually excited. I didn’t know if spinning my wheels would ever have an end. But I don’t think trusting myself is sinful anymore. There has been healing.
Thank you for sharing your stories. For making a space for us to share ours.