What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do

a few things that have helped me along the way

Photo by Daniel Schaffer on Unsplash

Friends,

I’ve felt a little restless lately.

The summer is wrapping up, and as it always happens, I’m ready for the electric energy of autumn, but I’m grieving that summer went by so quickly, especially with my kids.

They start 4th grade and 6th grade this year, which is really feeling like a big kid kind of transition. They aren’t so little anymore. I’m not so young anymore. Time keeps moving and I can’t stop it.

This week I’ve had a few of these days, ones where I felt listless and unsure of myself or anything else. I was grasping a bit, wandering and wondering from moment to moment. If you’ve had days like this, you know it feels odd, and while there may be a particular reason for each of us, I thought I’d share a few of the things that I do when I don’t know what to do.

So much of this is about catharsis, a purge or cleansing of emotion. That may sound a little extreme, that we need to purge something, but don’t think of it as some sort of exorcism, think of it as a gentle letting go.

It’s a release, getting whatever is trapped in your head and body out of it so that you can move on.

So, here are 3 things I do when I don’t know what to do:

1. Ritual/Prayer: Sometimes when we’re stuck or feeling off, we need to pray, to get in touch with ourselves and The Sacred however they show up for us. A simple ritual for this is to light a candle and take some time to journal, name out loud, or write on slips of paper the stuff on your mind. Let your mind go where it needs to go, and let your heart engage, because something may come up you’re not realizing. Take your time, stay comfortable and safe, trust yourself and the candle flame. Also take a few moments to name your hopes, what you feel is ahead, focusing in on the beautiful and good stuff. Take a lot of deep breaths. Ritual can last ten minutes or it can last two hours, depending on what we need and the time we have. When you’re done, gently blow out the candle. Gently name your gratitude for the moment. Feel the release, and carry that with you.

2. Move: I am a really heady person, and as someone with anxiety, I’m constantly spinning mentally, processing something, ruminating, thinking. It’s pretty exhausting, and I’ve shared a bit of my journey with rock climbing with you and on social media, but here’s the beautiful thing about movement—it forces us out of our heads and into our bodies. Embodiment is a hell of a powerful thing! Embodiment is catharsis in so many ways! Embodiment is medicine for someone like me who grew up dissociated from my body and my spirit in a lot of ways. So on those days when you don’t know what to do, consider movement. Dance in the kitchen to loud music, go on a walk or bike ride, get to the gym. If you’re at work, find a way to stroll outside or in a quiet area where you can be alone, or, if you need it, move with a friend or loved one or pet who can keep you company and help with that letting go, that catharsis. And afterward, enjoy the natural endorphins that flood your brain and body!

3. Process: As an adult it’s difficult to make new friends. I have handful of people that I can call when things are tough, that I can get in touch with when I really need to speak out loud the things in my own head. But that’s not accessible all the time, so processing can look different for many of us. I’ve shared before that I keep multiple journals—free journaling, grief journaling, work journaling, among others. Sometimes processing is sitting down with a cup of tea and coffee and writing it all out, getting it out of your body and onto the page. It’s not the same as speaking to a therapist or friend, but there’s a release that happens, and I’ve felt it. When we don’t know what to do, processing helps us pull forth thoughts and emotions we may not have realized we were carrying. And after your process, go gentle, take a nap if you can, buy yourself a cup of tea/coffee, a favorite snack, some fresh flowers. The release is beautiful and tiring, so trust yourself along the way.

Photo by Mike Erskine on Unsplash

Sometimes I walk around thrift stores too, or I find my way to an online store to browse and shop, but I want to be careful with those suggestions, because while they can momentarily help, it never lasts. Those are the hallmarks of capitalism and consumerism, getting our needs “met” from shopping and stuff, even if it is from Goodwill.

And some days, these things are all necessary for me. I light a candle, I gather by a fire, I talk to my partner Travis or a friend, I buy some fresh flowers, I end up at the thrift store and wander, I work on a puzzle, I drink more coffee or a cup of warm bone broth, I work on trusting myself, I get to the climbing gym or out into the neighborhood, I play with the dogs, I listen to a story, and sometimes, sometimes, I end up back in bed anyway, and that’s okay too.

Don’t give up on yourself, friends.

Even when you don’t know what to do, you’re probably already working your way toward what you need, and you’ll find it.