Are We Wired to Worry?

thoughts on God, our brains, and how we carry on

Are we wired to worry?

Sometimes I can’t shake this question, and I’ve found myself asking it again recently.

Obviously we live in a worrisome time— the constant feelings and experiences of doom that surround the orb of this world are inevitable it seems, despite the beauty that exists around us.

But I am talking about the daily, seemingly out-of-nowhere worries that we just can’t seem to let go of.

What if they don’t like me?

What if I can’t make friends?

What if the money runs out?

What if they don’t get better?

What if I’m too scared to try?

What if there isn’t a god?

What if I’ve ruined this?

What if the cancer doesn’t go away?

What if I never have a good night’s sleep again?

What if my kids are in danger?

What if we can’t have kids?

What if I’ve made a mistake?

What if?

What if?

I feel like at this point I’ve become a master at the what if?. As a kid, my favorite New Testament verse was 1 Peter 5:7, which reads “Cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you.”

For a kid whose father left, whose parents divorced, who never really got to process all the ongoing trauma with anyone, these words were a constant balm to me. Despite the increasingly toxic and patriarchal god I was being handed in religion, there was also this deeply comforting, caring father who wouldn’t leave me lonely when I needed someone.

little me

I’ve changed a lot since then, but my penchant for worry, not so much. Only now, I recognize and name it as the anxiety and stress that it is, thanks to a few years of therapy. I recently discovered an Australian family drama called Offspring, and something that I’ve appreciated about it is that the main character struggles with anxious thoughts on a daily basis.

In one scene she is finally waking up next to the person she loves, and instead of just resting in that joy, she has a dream about the impending doom that is sure to come, because nothing can ever be truly good, and maybe we can never be truly happy.

It’s so sad, but I’ve experienced the same thing! I’ve had something amazing come to my life and wondered what bad news waited on the other side. Maybe part of this difficulty to accept the good, kind things is a trauma or poverty response for many of us.

Or, I sometimes wonder if social media makes worry worse. I wonder if it’s exacerbated by lack of healthy boundaries in our lives. Or maybe it’s a lack of healthy outlets to relieve the stress. Or, maybe it’s simply brain chemistry.

I don’t know the answers. I just know what I feel in my own body and how it affects my daily life, and again, I ask, are we just wired for worry?

We have so many Instagram reels alone about how to stop worrying, but how do we figure out what works for us? Is this constantly about trial and error?

Maybe.

Or maybe that whole let tomorrow worry about itself thing is helpful along the lines of practicing presence today. When I’m feeling overwhelmed with worry, I have to bring myself back to something singular to ease it, because usually anxiety is an amalgamation of multiple things spinning through my head.

So, here are a few things I try to ease the anxious worry:

I read fiction.

I have mental safe places I go to when I can’t sleep.

I ride my Peloton.

I play piano.

I practice deep breaths, like this exercise: in for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, release for 8 counts.

I acknowledge the worry, almost as if they are a separate being or person. Then I let them go.

I garden.

I dance in the kitchen to music.

I get outside, because Mother Earth can tell us it’s okay—not that everything will be okay necessarily—but that in this very moment, we can be okay.

So, I hope small moments of ease for you. Maybe we can’t cure our worry. Maybe we are wired for it as human beings. But we can manage it, we can hold it, we can breathe through it, and we can remember that we are not alone.

How do you manage anxious thoughts or worry? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

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